God allows to happen that which will help the most amount of people for the longest amount of time. I am beginning to see that play out in my life more and more as the years go by. When I was a child, I had to live with a terrible hurt. It was either fight to live or die starving. I had a problem with my digestive system and my doctor convinced everyone I had an eating disorder. Almost everyone but my parents believed him and told me that all of my suffering was on me. It was my fault and I’m the only one who can change that. That if I wanted it bad enough, I could eat and be healthy. These words broke my heart because I was dying and there was nothing in this world that I wanted more than to be able to eat again. To be able to play, to climb the stairs in my home without having to stop and rest halfway up. My soul shattered. Everything inside me broke, I had no will to live anymore. No will to try. Even after the hospital figured out the true issue, and fixed my insides, I was still broken.
Through time, honesty, and the unfailing support of an incredibly loving man who is now my husband, my soul was mended and I began to love life again. Though I didn’t love myself, I told myself I did. I told others that I did but truly I didn’t and I tried to prove that I did to others as a way of trying to prove it to myself. I still struggle. I fear that I am too thin. That I am weak and can’t do anything for myself, but I am changing that perception.
Ephesians 2:10 says ‘For we are God’s masterpieces, he created us anew in Jesus christ so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’
Every one of us goes through a crucible in our lives. God uses them to create us anew, to show us what we are capable of. To make us strong and ignite passion in us to do what he calls us to do, to follow his plan for our lives. Two things happen when we face a crucible; we get stuck and never allow ourselves to walk out of it, to let go and allow it to change us or we rise from the challenge. We allow ourselves to be changed. To grow and become stronger than we believe ourselves to be able to be.
A crucible ignites a passion. Mine became helping people overcome psychiatric disorders like I faced. I was told that I would need mind numbing medication to function normally for the rest of my life. I’m sure there are countless numbers of people, lost and scared and alone who are being told the same thing.
I want to challenge the world to reach for more. To break the mold and take back their lives from whatever crucible they are stuck in. Reach for the other side and find your purpose and your passion. Figuring out how to get to the other side reveals so much about who you are and where your passion is and I want to see that in this world. Honesty, creativity, deep thought, and love are seriously lacking and I believe that is why we are so stuck in depression, in anxiety, in pain. The world needs to figure out how to heal, but so many people are so stuck in their pain that they can’t even fathom finding a way out because some doctor offers them a “Cure” in the form of a pill.
Overcome your crucible. Dare to find your passion and allow it to lead your life. Learn to love and except yourself again. Trust me, it leads to a much more satisfying existence.