Rediscovering Purpose

I’ve noticed that a big part of finding happiness is giving yourself a purpose. What do you live for? What drives you? what do you cling to when you’re upset?

For me, that’s always been writing. Creative short stories, poetry, and journaling have always been my go to’s when I was depressed or anxious.

My fragile teenage soul had a bug out bag for when the world didn’t seem like such a fun place to be. My supplies included my journal, my creative writing notebook, and my poetry book. My latest paperback was usually in there as well.

If it was nice out, sunny and warm, I would head to the fort in the woods behind my house. It had a lookout tower 18 ft above the ground that was the perfect hideout for an angsty teenage girl.

Option two was my desk. But not sitting at the desk like a normal human, oh no. It wouldn’t be hiding if I did that. My desk sat in the corner of my bedroom with just enough space between it and the wall that a very small me could sit comfortably with a pillow and my bug out bag
and escape to a reality of my choosing.

Option three, only to be used in emergencies such as  if it was raining, snowing, cold, or dark
outside, or if my little sister claimed our bed room for herself, was the hunting room in the basement.

This room had all of our camping equipment and best of all, it locked from the inside. Granted there was a key, but that was the least of my worries. I wanted an escape and I wanted it now. I always had a place for It.

Now that I’ve grown and found ways out of my depressive / anxious states, I let the idea of writing to escape go, I thought l’d out grown my need of it, but I never felt quite whole without it.

I picked up the pen again and reignited my passion through journaling and this blog and It’s like coming up for air after drowning. I just can’t live meaningfully without writing. So I created a place for it in my life.

I’ve always wanted to be a published author so the blog is helping me find my voice. I’ve been great at poetry In the past so why not try and be a songwriter? And the biggest, probably the hardest tasks that I’m going to complete is becoming a published author. I am going to write and publish books. That Is my purpose.


The biggest point that I want to make is that If there is something in your life that has made that big of an impact on you, that has meant that much to you, there’s probably a reason for it. Maybe it was so important back then because it was meant to be your purpose now, or it was meant to lead you to your purpose.

Whatever it is, find it, create it for yourself.

Good Luck, God bless

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Close your eyes, Take a breath, and LET GO

When it comes to being physically ill, or physically hurt, rehabilitation can take months. Progress can be slow and at times, it may seem like we’re not making any progress at all. We listen to our doctors and find a treatment plan that works for us. We allow ourselves time and patience to heal which research shows, makes a big difference in recovery.

Why can’t we allow ourselves that same time and patience to heal our minds as well? Our minds are capable of amazing things. To harness the power of the mind and the power of our thoughts is an amazing gift that we shrug off as a whimsical notion that holds no value. We are afraid of our minds, afraid to spend time alone with our thoughts, we are afraid to be alone with ourselves, why?

You may not control your thoughts, but you can control the ones you pay attention to. We control the ones that seep into and affect our lives. We control the thoughts that we accept into reality but we’ve forgotten how because for years we were taught that our minds are little more than pre programmed machines but we are so much more. You can’t dull down the human experience as a computer that is wired this way and not that. YOU ARE MORE THAN THAT.

The thoughts you actively think and the ones you choose to entertain are in your control and are the ones with the power to impact your life. If a thought comes up that you don’t like, instead of harboring it, claiming it, ruminating on it, you can let it go. That’s all you need to do is just let it go and it will no longer affect you, that thought will no longer be a part of you. It sounds so simple and I promise you that once you get the hang of it, it is so incredibly simple.

Like all skills, letting go requires practice. It’s a mental muscle that needs to be worked to become strong and you need to allow yourself the time to make it strong. Be patient with yourself and be mindful that it’s a gradual skill. You’re not going to wake up one morning and be perfect.

There is no such thing as perfect, all mental skills are a constant work in progress that make your life and your mind health better and better as you go. The more you do, the better you’ll be and the better you are, the more you do. It’s an upward spiral to counter the downward one you may currently be facing but in order to start, you need to let go.

Let go of the pain and live in the moment and imagine a bright future. More than imagine, plan it out, take control and work out the details of how you’re going to do it. Let go of the old, and make room for the new.

This Is The Year Of Choice, Choose Wisely.

My first post of 2019. New years have always been a big thing for me writing Journals. The first post of the new year has always given me a sense of refreshment, the first blank page of the new year. I guess it’s a little bit of a metaphor for me; the blank page representing the blank slate a new year represents, a new beginning, a fresh start. Here is the first of my fresh start.

This year, I will simplify my life. I will not allow the fear of “I’ve never done this before” hold me back.

This year I will define what I want from my life, from my day, from all aspects of my life and I will take them because it is that simple. I will not over complicate things.

This year I will think things through and not allow the fog of anxiety or depression cloud my mind and make a situation worse than it needs to be.

This year, I will define my self worth. I will not allow anxiety or depression hold me down and make me feel like a child any longer. I choose who I want to be. I will choose which thoughts to entertain and which to ignore. I choose every aspect of my life.

This year I will make friends. I will not let the fear of what other people think of me hold me back. I will be myself and understand that I don’t deserve to be alone all the time. I will find my community and find balance in the relationships in my life.

Every day this year, I will define my own happiness.

This year I will assert myself and not allow the fear of how other people are going to react dissuade me from standing up for myself and being me. I will do what pleases me, I will follow my passions and not allow other people to make me feel inferior.

This year, I will not allow my fearful and broken past define who I am.

With God’s help, this year I will create for myself a future of my choosing and work toward inspiring others to do the same.

Choice is a powerful thing, and it is involved in everything you do. You hold the power over your life. You hold the power over every single aspect of your life and this last year has proven that for me over and over again without fail.

Choose happiness, choose deep thought, choose to love yourself, choose to create the life that YOU want to lead.

Happy new year, God Bless

Jealousy

According to Lifebuzz.com, one of the most common toxic behaviors is jealousy.


“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Exodus 20:17

Merriam Webster defines “covet” as ” to desire (what belongs to another)” in other words, to be jealous of. Jealousy is toxic. It makes a person think and do toxic things.

Because you can’t be happy for someone if you’re jealous of who they are or what they have. You can’t be happy with yourself or what you have if you’re focused on what you don’t have.

Jealousy eats away at a person. It can destroy your finances, your self-esteem and drive a wedge between you and anyone you know. The more you allow jealousy to seep into your life, the more unhappy your life will be.   

How do you combat jealousy? Todays culture is very “this is just the way I am”, but more and more research is taking away the credibility of the idea that we are fixed beings with no real way to change. More and more research is validating the idea of neuroplasticity. You are in charge of your brain. You are in charge of your thoughts and you are in charge of your emotions. Even if you don’t want to be. 

In order to change, you must first accept and learn to recognise the feeling of jealousy in yourself. You must notice the jealous thoughts and make the conscious decision to not act on them. 

You can ask yourself, “is this really what I want for my life?” and if the answer is no, decide what you do want your life to look like. 

Redirect your focus. Instead of being jealous of your friend for her beautiful new car, admire her for the hard work she put into saving up for that new car. 

Turn your jealousy into drive. If someone elses life looks better to you than your own, maybe it’s time to make some changes to make your life better suited to your desires. 

Accept that everyone is different. No one is necessarily better than anyone else, everyone is simply on a different path and in a different place and that is OK. As long as you are able to make yourself happy with who you are and what you have, your life is successful. 

God Bless

Perception, The Double Edged Sword

Why is it that some people would rather electrocute themselves than spend time with their own thoughts? What makes quiet contemplation so scary? The answer many of us would give is “I have anxiety”. 

We say it’s anxiety, we say it’s a disease because we don’t want to accept the responsibility that this is where we put ourselves. We have been gifted with the Holy Spirit, a direct connection to God for communication, but sometimes the Holy Spirit when it communicates, it says things that we don’t want to hear. So we ignore it, we ignore God talking to us. The more we ignore it the More urgent the message becomes we don’t like feeling that urgency so we continue to ignore it. This becomes a vicious cycle that leads into the pits of anxiety because we know what we need, we know what God is telling us about our lives and about our bodies about what we need to change but we don’t wanna hear it. We say it’s not our fault we say it’s a disease because we don’t wanna take responsibility for where we put ourselves. For the mindset we put ourselves in and for the advice from the divine that we have chosen to ignore.

Some of us have berried the truth so far down that finding it again requires more effort than we know how to give. No one chose this willingly, no one wants to be plagued by guilt and emotional pain without knowing where it came from, but it’s our responsibility to get out from under it. Pills mask the feeling, take away our responsibility to free ourselves from the cages we created in our minds.

Our minds are the one place that we can create and be anything that we want. The mind can’t tell the difference between reality and a thought so what we think about becomes our reality. Our culture is so wrapped up in negativity that our thoughts and our minds become scary monsters and boogie men and we don’t even realize that we have the power to create anything well! Perception is a powerful thing. A double edged sword that you are in total control of. 

Imperfection is Beauty

One thing that I notice a lot of people, if not most people struggle with, is body image. Who actually likes their body? Who even loves there body? How many people out there in the world today are actually comfortable in the skin they’re in, just as they are? I bet not a whole lot or the beauty industry wouldn’t be so popular. The makeup industry wouldn’t be so successful. Everywhere you look there are magazines of airbrushed “beautiful” people endorsing some kind of dieting system that they swear by.  These people distort our thinking that their air brushed, plastic surgury bodies look right and good and if we don’t look like them, we are wrong. We obsess over zits, over having the perfect hair, learning how to contour and spending hours in front of a mirror to paint our faces to make them look just right. We call the people who spend hours on their image beautiful. Let me tell you, it irritates me to know end because I see makeup as paint and anyone can look pretty with a painted on face. That’s not the real you. My tiraid is not against the makeup industry however, as much as I would like to tare that industry apart, but no. I am here to talk about loving yourself and setting intentions. when I wash my face at night, I tell myself “I’m doing this because I love my face and want it clean and healthy.” My achne has been all over the place these last few years. I dare say it’s been uncontrollable. I found no regimen could stand against my zit prone pores and that drove me nuts. I read articles and stressed and started birth control, EVERYTHING I could think of…did it work? Absolutely not. So I gave up. This is my face and I can’t change it so might as well accept it. As long as I am healthy, I shouldn’t stress about it. So I sat in front of the mirror and told myself I was ready to learn to love my healthy body in all of its zitty glory. I washed with an inexpensive soap that I’ve used in the past and a moisturizer that I liked. Before I washed my face I said “I’m going to wash my face to keep it clean and healthy” or something of the sort and set to the task. Saying to myself as I washed, “This is making my face clean and healthy”. I wish I took before and after pictures because the change in a month was amazing. I now have my clean and smooth face back! Sure, there is the occasional blemish but who doesn’t get those. I still love myself. This worked with eczema as well, “I want my skin clean and moisturized”. When I eat and drink, I am focusing on how it is nourishing my body and making it healthy and how healthy is beautiful. As long as I am healthy, I am ok.

Beautifully You

10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: 11 whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter 1:10-11 ESV

Each one of us is unique. Each one of us is different. Each one of us is special. We know it in our minds but do our hearts know it as well? There are so may out there who project this confidence in themselves yet when an individual ends up knowing more about a topic, we feel threatened that they know more than we do. Often, we get agitated and irritated that we do not know more than this person about a topic that we really aren’t all that passionate about. This topic is not where we are gifted, yet still, we desire to seem to know more than we do. Why?”As each has received a gift,”

  • You have unique to you gifts

Everyone is gifted in some way, in something. You have unique to you strengths that your friend, mother, sister, brother, father, might not have. Your gift is meant to compliment not to compete. If we all where to stick to what we knew, be humble enough to learn what we don’t, and step aside when we are in over our heads, our world would look much different. Our world would run like a well oiled machine because we’re all honest with ourselves about what we want and what we know.

  • Someone else being better at something is not a bad thing

Just as you are unique, and have your own unique to you talents and gifts, so do those around you. Just as  that you have you have skills that those around you don’t have, those around you are going to have skills that you don’t. That’s ok. In fact that is a very wonderful thing. A very healthy thing for our society because if we all knew only the same thing, how would we learn and grow? The beauty of a sunset is totally different from the beauty of the first snow of the year, but one doesn’t take away from the other. Their differences make life all the more satisfying. My friend and I are both writers, but our styles are very different. She is more creative and descriptive and my writing is more factual. She is an amazing novelist and I am a poet. For years growing up in school together, I always thought my writing was no good because I didn’t write like her. I tried and I was terrible. Years later, she told me that she always wished she could write like I do and that hers is no good! Imagine that! now we use our differences to help and teach each other. Instead of being jealous of each other, we help each other create masterpieces.

  • Other people can’t make you look bad
One of the biggest things I hear where different gifts are concerned is something to the effect of "They're going to show me up" or "if I don't prove I can do what they do, it's going to make me look bad". Usually, though, the opposite is true. When someone does what they are good at, it's obvious that they're good at it right? It's clear that they know what they are doing. It's just as obvious when someone is pretending to know what they're talking about. We've all seen someone try to fake the masses and persuade people that they know what they're doing, when they clearly don't. Don't fall into that trap. Be honest about what you know and don't know, be honest about what you are good at and what you are not good at. Your honesty will open up opportunities to learn and grow new skills that can compliment your own. It will also give you the opportunity to shine and teach when you use your own unique to you gift!