Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

My life does not follow your rules. Just as your life does not follow my rules. So much money is made off of creating programs that one follows step by step to the letter to achieve a one desired outcome.

If I follow your program for happiness, for health, for healing and it Just doesn’t work for me, that means that there is something wrong with me right? This program has helped all of these people so there must be Some stock in it right? Obviously, it works right? well, it didn’t work for me, SO I must be broken right? Or is the program broken? It can’t be me.

Why does it have to be broken? Why do we have to be broken? Why does your life have to follow my rules? It doesn’t. In fact, it can’t.

The idea that my life has to fit in your box or that your life has to fit in my box is unrealistic insanity. That’s why there are so many programs out there and why most of them are SO different.

This isn’t a bad thing though! They all carry some credibility or they wouldn’t have made it as far as they have.

The problem is, you are not a type, You do not fit into someone else’s box.

In Jeremiah I:5, The Lord Says to Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, Before you were born, I set you apart…” Not one of us is the same, we are set apart by God and cheated as individuals. Individuals who have their own lives, their own experiences, their own minds which were “ … fearfully and wonderfully made…” (Psalm 139: 14 NIV).

All of these different mollies and formulas for a healthy and happy life are proof of that fact. These differences are not a curse, but a blessing to use to find what works for you as an individual find what fits in your life and what doesn’t.

Life is not one Size fits all. One of the benefits of marrying someone who is your polar opposite has taught me that beyond a shadow of a doubt. He hits burnout when he has too much to do, I hit burnout when I don’t have enough to do. What works for me, what helps me is not going to work for him and vice versa. The more you research and toy, the more you find what works and what doesn’t and the closer you are to living life as God intended.

Let go of what you think you know and allow God to show you what he intended for you.

Good Luck, God Bless

Advertisements

Rediscovering Purpose

I’ve noticed that a big part of finding happiness is giving yourself a purpose. What do you live for? What drives you? what do you cling to when you’re upset?

For me, that’s always been writing. Creative short stories, poetry, and journaling have always been my go to’s when I was depressed or anxious.

My fragile teenage soul had a bug out bag for when the world didn’t seem like such a fun place to be. My supplies included my journal, my creative writing notebook, and my poetry book. My latest paperback was usually in there as well.

If it was nice out, sunny and warm, I would head to the fort in the woods behind my house. It had a lookout tower 18 ft above the ground that was the perfect hideout for an angsty teenage girl.

Option two was my desk. But not sitting at the desk like a normal human, oh no. It wouldn’t be hiding if I did that. My desk sat in the corner of my bedroom with just enough space between it and the wall that a very small me could sit comfortably with a pillow and my bug out bag
and escape to a reality of my choosing.

Option three, only to be used in emergencies such as  if it was raining, snowing, cold, or dark
outside, or if my little sister claimed our bed room for herself, was the hunting room in the basement.

This room had all of our camping equipment and best of all, it locked from the inside. Granted there was a key, but that was the least of my worries. I wanted an escape and I wanted it now. I always had a place for It.

Now that I’ve grown and found ways out of my depressive / anxious states, I let the idea of writing to escape go, I thought l’d out grown my need of it, but I never felt quite whole without it.

I picked up the pen again and reignited my passion through journaling and this blog and It’s like coming up for air after drowning. I just can’t live meaningfully without writing. So I created a place for it in my life.

I’ve always wanted to be a published author so the blog is helping me find my voice. I’ve been great at poetry In the past so why not try and be a songwriter? And the biggest, probably the hardest tasks that I’m going to complete is becoming a published author. I am going to write and publish books. That Is my purpose.


The biggest point that I want to make is that If there is something in your life that has made that big of an impact on you, that has meant that much to you, there’s probably a reason for it. Maybe it was so important back then because it was meant to be your purpose now, or it was meant to lead you to your purpose.

Whatever it is, find it, create it for yourself.

Good Luck, God bless

Break Free Of The Spiral

I’ve fallen into a rut lately. I would rather sit on my behind and watch TV than do the things that I should be doing, like writing, working out, cooking for myself, going to the store…basically all of the things that adulting requires, I want nothing to do with it.

But I don’t want nothing to do with it, I don’t want to sink back into that depressive cocoon where the TV and my fuzzy blankets lull me into the tempting thoughts of “It’s OK, you don’t have to do that, someone else will do everything for you”. This voice is a lie, no one is going to take care of my responsibilities because, well, they’re mine.

So how does one get out of ruts like this?

Catch it

First and foremost, you have to catch yourself in the spiral. The spiral being those ever so helpful thoughts that if you really actually think about them, anxiety will spike and the instinct to hide comes creeping through your body like a vine crawling up a building. Very subtly getting taking over more and more of your mind.

What’s happening?!

What thoughts are triggering the anxiety? What thoughts triggered the depression? When you are happy and suddenly feel yourself becoming anxious or depressed, what are the thoughts surrounding those emotions?

Talk yourself up

Feeling like this is natural. We’re not perfect, sometimes we will get anxious, sometimes we will get depressed and that’s ok. It’s ok to acknowledge it to yourself, it’s healthy actually. Don’t beat yourself up if these feelings overwhelm you, you’re only human and life can be stressful. Allow yourself to break down and feel whatever you need to feel, but remind yourself that this isn’t who you are and you have the power to change what hurts you. You have the right to be happy and the ability to handle whatever it is that’s bothering you.

Take charge

You decide when the depression stops. You decide when the anxiety no longer has a hold on you. You have the power over your own mind which changes your brain which controls your body. YOU are the master and YOU CAN DO IT.

My demons lie in the fact that I don’t really have any food in the house for dinner. I need to eat because I need to maintain my weight (My metabolism is just way to darn fast). I need to go to the store because I am worth a healthy, home cooked meal. That healthy, home cooked meal is not only going to feed me today, but it’s also going to be my lunch tomorrow so that’s double incentive to get off my lazy arce and head to supermarket.

Demon number two lies in the fact that I didn’t write a post last week and it’s taken me this long to write the post for next week. Last week I unfortunately had a migraine the day that I had set aside to write which meant that I could barely open my eyes for 24 hours let alone stare at a computer screen. It’s understandable and nothing to beat myself up over because life happens, we can’t control that. What we can control is our reaction to it so I am choosing to no longer react by sinking into a depression, I am taking steps to alleviate the cause of the stress. If I’m stressed over the fact that I haven’t written yet, I better get to writing. You get the picture.

Last but not least, I will find something to be grateful for. I am so very grateful for the opportunity to express myself through writing. My heart is over filled with joy and gratitude when I think about all of the doors writing has opened and all of the demons it has caged. I am truly blessed to be able to use words to do such wonderful things and so very blessed to be able to share that with the world.

God Bless

A Lesson In The Crucible

God allows to happen that which will help the most amount of people for the longest amount of time. I am beginning to see that play out in my life more and more as the years go by. When I was a child, I had to live with a terrible hurt. It was either fight to live or die starving. I had a problem with my digestive system and my doctor convinced everyone I had an eating disorder. Almost everyone but my parents believed him and told me that all of my suffering was on me. It was my fault and I’m the only one who can change that. That if I wanted it bad enough, I could eat and be healthy. These words broke my heart because I was dying and there was nothing in this world that I wanted more than to be able to eat again. To be able to play, to climb the stairs in my home without having to stop and rest halfway up. My soul shattered. Everything inside me broke, I had no will to live anymore. No will to try. Even after the hospital figured out the true issue, and fixed my insides, I was still broken.

Through time, honesty, and the unfailing support of an incredibly loving man who is now my husband, my soul was mended and I began to love life again. Though I didn’t love myself, I told myself I did. I told others that I did but truly I didn’t and I tried to prove that I did to others as a way of trying to prove it to myself. I still struggle. I fear that I am too thin. That I am weak and can’t do anything for myself, but I am changing that perception.

Ephesians 2:10 says ‘For we are God’s masterpieces, he created us anew in Jesus christ so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’

Every one of us goes through a crucible in our lives. God uses them to create us anew, to show us what we are capable of. To make us strong and ignite passion in us to do what he calls us to do, to follow his plan for our lives. Two things happen when we face a crucible; we get stuck and never allow ourselves to walk out of it, to let go and allow it to change us or we rise from the challenge. We allow ourselves to be changed. To grow and become stronger than we believe ourselves to be able to be.

A crucible ignites a passion. Mine became helping people overcome psychiatric disorders like I faced. I was told that I would need mind numbing medication to function normally for the rest of my life. I’m sure there are countless numbers of people, lost and scared and alone who are being told the same thing.

I want to challenge the world to reach for more. To break the mold and take back their lives from whatever crucible they are stuck in. Reach for the other side and find your purpose and your passion. Figuring out how to get to the other side reveals so much about who you are and where your passion is and I want to see that in this world. Honesty, creativity, deep thought, and love are seriously lacking and I believe that is why we are so stuck in depression, in anxiety, in pain. The world needs to figure out how to heal, but so many people are so stuck in their pain that they can’t even fathom finding a way out because some doctor offers them a “Cure” in the form of a pill.

Overcome your crucible. Dare to find your passion and allow it to lead your life. Learn to love and except yourself again. Trust me, it leads to a much more satisfying existence.

Self care, how easy can it get?

I’ve been on the self care bandwagon for years now, ever since I heard the term in 2015. I’d always loved the idea of it, read everything I could on it, did everything in my power to become as much of an expert as I could on the topic of self care. Hoping. Praying that one day the actions would be as easy to do as they where to read on the page. But for years, easy and self care where just not even remotely on the same playing field. I struggled, and then put myself down for struggling. How hard is it to do something you enjoy? How hard is it to treat yourself? Apparently, it was extremely hard because I could never quite seem to grasp the concept.

Yesterday it clicked.

Small background, my husband recently switched to 3rd shift. He works 4pm- 4am and I work 6am to 2pm. Alone time was never something I enjoyed. Ever. My mom works 2nd shift and most of my friends are young moms, have their own hectic schedules or have moved and well life happens so for a while, with no family or friends to keep me company 24-7, I got depressed. And then I decided that I was better than that and beat the depression off with my journal and a pen.

That’s when the concept of self care finally made sense.

I was in the bathroom, I had just gotten out of the shower when I felt it…I wanted to do everything in my power to care for my body. It’s the only one I have after all and I want it to be strong and healthy for a long time to come. Because I’ve been practicing mindfulness, I watched this thought flow through and actively thought about it. What changed? What brought these thoughts to mind? I continued watching my thoughts and paying attention to my emotions and in a few short moments, I had my answer. I love myself. Really and truly I love myself. I want the best for myself and as long as that remains the truth, self care is a breeze. It’s second nature, I don’t even have to think about it because it’s what I actively want for myself!

Philippians 4, Road Map to Happiness

Philippians 4:6-8 “Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is TRUE, whatever is NOBLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is ADMIRABLE. If anything is EXCELLENT or PRAISEWORTHY, think about such things.”

This is my favorite verse and one that I am actively working into my thought life. It is literally a road map to happiness and peace. This verse is a step by step on how to make your life better, the only catch is that you have to follow it.

What does this even mean?

‘Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.”

The biggest thing here, at least in my very unprofessional opinion, is the with thanksgiving part. So many times, when we pray, it’s just asking for things. Why can’t we show God our thankfulness? Even in the darkest hour, there is always something to be grateful for. Even if its being thankful that we have a loving God to listen to our woes.

‘And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.’

It is my belief that coming to Christ with a grateful heart, is the foundation to feeling the peace of God. Having a grateful heart means surrendering to the will of God and the fact that there are things out of your control. It shows that you can see the good things in your life and you are doing more than asking for stuff like a spoiled child. Being thankful when we come to Christ in prayer makes your time with God feel more genuine and completely changes the tone of your prayer.

‘Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things’

Sooo, what are you thinking about? Is what you’re thinking about the truth? Are your thoughts noble? Are you looking at the situation in the right mindset? Do you focus on what is pure? Do you think about lovely things? Do you focus on what makes you admirable? Would you consider what goes through your head excellent or praiseworthy?  These thought patterns are the pillars of a healthy mind.

How do I change my thoughts to reflect these things?

Watch your thoughts. Next time you’re in a funk of depression, or anytime really, there is no bad time to start, pay attention to what kind of thoughts are floating around in your head. Pay attention to how you react and ask yourself if the situation warranted your reaction. Be nice to yourself, this is not about judgement, this is about learning so you can heal. Taking a step in the right direction and taking back control over your thoughts and your life.

Breaking the Lies that Steal Our Lives

Why is it so hard to get up the courage to help people? I feel like we don’t think we are relevant enough. I’m afraid to help him because he’s going to think I’m dumb. How am I going to help her when I myself am broken and can’t figure out my own life? We are each our very own unique brand of broken. We are buried under lies that we believe are truth.

The brain follows the mind, what you actively choose to think about becomes your brain. So when we hear something, or actively think a thought, that becomes a physical memory in our brains. Something bad happens because, well, life happens. We can’t control what happens, our power comes from how we choose to react to it. Those responses are also stored as memories in the brain. So if you think negatively, your brain doesn’t know how else to process information. The more you think about something, the stronger that memory becomes until it becomes your reality. This is how a lie becomes a neurological disorder. This is how a lie becomes a reality.

So how do we break that pattern? If it really is up to us, if we really do have a choice, how do we choose differently? That’s just it. Choose differently. Let me tell you from experience, it’s terrifying, but what a rush it is to actively take control of your life. It’s not easy, and it’s not instant, but it’s worth it and it works. This is not a one time thing. It takes practice and determination. How long have you been dwelling on the hurt? How strong is this memory? It’s going to take some time to reteach your brain and that’s ok. Its not just a one time, “that’s it, I’m done.” It’s a million choices that tare down the foundation of the lie and rebuild the truth. But you can do it. I believe in you.