This Is The Year Of Choice, Choose Wisely.

My first post of 2019. New years have always been a big thing for me writing Journals. The first post of the new year has always given me a sense of refreshment, the first blank page of the new year. I guess it’s a little bit of a metaphor for me; the blank page representing the blank slate a new year represents, a new beginning, a fresh start. Here is the first of my fresh start.

This year, I will simplify my life. I will not allow the fear of “I’ve never done this before” hold me back.

This year I will define what I want from my life, from my day, from all aspects of my life and I will take them because it is that simple. I will not over complicate things.

This year I will think things through and not allow the fog of anxiety or depression cloud my mind and make a situation worse than it needs to be.

This year, I will define my self worth. I will not allow anxiety or depression hold me down and make me feel like a child any longer. I choose who I want to be. I will choose which thoughts to entertain and which to ignore. I choose every aspect of my life.

This year I will make friends. I will not let the fear of what other people think of me hold me back. I will be myself and understand that I don’t deserve to be alone all the time. I will find my community and find balance in the relationships in my life.

Every day this year, I will define my own happiness.

This year I will assert myself and not allow the fear of how other people are going to react dissuade me from standing up for myself and being me. I will do what pleases me, I will follow my passions and not allow other people to make me feel inferior.

This year, I will not allow my fearful and broken past define who I am.

With God’s help, this year I will create for myself a future of my choosing and work toward inspiring others to do the same.

Choice is a powerful thing, and it is involved in everything you do. You hold the power over your life. You hold the power over every single aspect of your life and this last year has proven that for me over and over again without fail.

Choose happiness, choose deep thought, choose to love yourself, choose to create the life that YOU want to lead.

Happy new year, God Bless

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Perception, The Double Edged Sword

Why is it that some people would rather electrocute themselves than spend time with their own thoughts? What makes quiet contemplation so scary? The answer many of us would give is “I have anxiety”. 

We say it’s anxiety, we say it’s a disease because we don’t want to accept the responsibility that this is where we put ourselves. We have been gifted with the Holy Spirit, a direct connection to God for communication, but sometimes the Holy Spirit when it communicates, it says things that we don’t want to hear. So we ignore it, we ignore God talking to us. The more we ignore it the More urgent the message becomes we don’t like feeling that urgency so we continue to ignore it. This becomes a vicious cycle that leads into the pits of anxiety because we know what we need, we know what God is telling us about our lives and about our bodies about what we need to change but we don’t wanna hear it. We say it’s not our fault we say it’s a disease because we don’t wanna take responsibility for where we put ourselves. For the mindset we put ourselves in and for the advice from the divine that we have chosen to ignore.

Some of us have berried the truth so far down that finding it again requires more effort than we know how to give. No one chose this willingly, no one wants to be plagued by guilt and emotional pain without knowing where it came from, but it’s our responsibility to get out from under it. Pills mask the feeling, take away our responsibility to free ourselves from the cages we created in our minds.

Our minds are the one place that we can create and be anything that we want. The mind can’t tell the difference between reality and a thought so what we think about becomes our reality. Our culture is so wrapped up in negativity that our thoughts and our minds become scary monsters and boogie men and we don’t even realize that we have the power to create anything well! Perception is a powerful thing. A double edged sword that you are in total control of. 

A Lesson In The Crucible

God allows to happen that which will help the most amount of people for the longest amount of time. I am beginning to see that play out in my life more and more as the years go by. When I was a child, I had to live with a terrible hurt. It was either fight to live or die starving. I had a problem with my digestive system and my doctor convinced everyone I had an eating disorder. Almost everyone but my parents believed him and told me that all of my suffering was on me. It was my fault and I’m the only one who can change that. That if I wanted it bad enough, I could eat and be healthy. These words broke my heart because I was dying and there was nothing in this world that I wanted more than to be able to eat again. To be able to play, to climb the stairs in my home without having to stop and rest halfway up. My soul shattered. Everything inside me broke, I had no will to live anymore. No will to try. Even after the hospital figured out the true issue, and fixed my insides, I was still broken.

Through time, honesty, and the unfailing support of an incredibly loving man who is now my husband, my soul was mended and I began to love life again. Though I didn’t love myself, I told myself I did. I told others that I did but truly I didn’t and I tried to prove that I did to others as a way of trying to prove it to myself. I still struggle. I fear that I am too thin. That I am weak and can’t do anything for myself, but I am changing that perception.

Ephesians 2:10 says ‘For we are God’s masterpieces, he created us anew in Jesus christ so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’

Every one of us goes through a crucible in our lives. God uses them to create us anew, to show us what we are capable of. To make us strong and ignite passion in us to do what he calls us to do, to follow his plan for our lives. Two things happen when we face a crucible; we get stuck and never allow ourselves to walk out of it, to let go and allow it to change us or we rise from the challenge. We allow ourselves to be changed. To grow and become stronger than we believe ourselves to be able to be.

A crucible ignites a passion. Mine became helping people overcome psychiatric disorders like I faced. I was told that I would need mind numbing medication to function normally for the rest of my life. I’m sure there are countless numbers of people, lost and scared and alone who are being told the same thing.

I want to challenge the world to reach for more. To break the mold and take back their lives from whatever crucible they are stuck in. Reach for the other side and find your purpose and your passion. Figuring out how to get to the other side reveals so much about who you are and where your passion is and I want to see that in this world. Honesty, creativity, deep thought, and love are seriously lacking and I believe that is why we are so stuck in depression, in anxiety, in pain. The world needs to figure out how to heal, but so many people are so stuck in their pain that they can’t even fathom finding a way out because some doctor offers them a “Cure” in the form of a pill.

Overcome your crucible. Dare to find your passion and allow it to lead your life. Learn to love and except yourself again. Trust me, it leads to a much more satisfying existence.

Philippians 4, Road Map to Happiness

Philippians 4:6-8 “Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is TRUE, whatever is NOBLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is ADMIRABLE. If anything is EXCELLENT or PRAISEWORTHY, think about such things.”

This is my favorite verse and one that I am actively working into my thought life. It is literally a road map to happiness and peace. This verse is a step by step on how to make your life better, the only catch is that you have to follow it.

What does this even mean?

‘Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.”

The biggest thing here, at least in my very unprofessional opinion, is the with thanksgiving part. So many times, when we pray, it’s just asking for things. Why can’t we show God our thankfulness? Even in the darkest hour, there is always something to be grateful for. Even if its being thankful that we have a loving God to listen to our woes.

‘And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.’

It is my belief that coming to Christ with a grateful heart, is the foundation to feeling the peace of God. Having a grateful heart means surrendering to the will of God and the fact that there are things out of your control. It shows that you can see the good things in your life and you are doing more than asking for stuff like a spoiled child. Being thankful when we come to Christ in prayer makes your time with God feel more genuine and completely changes the tone of your prayer.

‘Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things’

Sooo, what are you thinking about? Is what you’re thinking about the truth? Are your thoughts noble? Are you looking at the situation in the right mindset? Do you focus on what is pure? Do you think about lovely things? Do you focus on what makes you admirable? Would you consider what goes through your head excellent or praiseworthy?  These thought patterns are the pillars of a healthy mind.

How do I change my thoughts to reflect these things?

Watch your thoughts. Next time you’re in a funk of depression, or anytime really, there is no bad time to start, pay attention to what kind of thoughts are floating around in your head. Pay attention to how you react and ask yourself if the situation warranted your reaction. Be nice to yourself, this is not about judgement, this is about learning so you can heal. Taking a step in the right direction and taking back control over your thoughts and your life.

The Hard Questions

“For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind”

-2 Timothy 1:17

If we sat down an thought about it, how many of us truly like ourselves? How many of us are truly as confident as we would like to be? How many of us actually want to sit down and think about these things, or are we too ashamed of what our answers might be?

Are we ashamed that the answer that we want, and the answer that is true are different from each other? If so, why can’t we live our lives to make the answers the same? It would take some work but is that really such a bad thing? Does hard work really make it that much more of a reward, or would we really be better off taking a pill for a quick fix?

Why are we so much more accepting of someone saying we are broken and need medication to fix our pains than someone who wants us to put in a little more effort? Are we so afraid of a little work? Or is it the responsibility of it all that we find hard to swallow?

These are the questions that keep me up at night, but maybe, I’m just afraid of the answers.